Five Words You Never Want to Hear

Mom? Astro ate my deposit.

Yeah. The dog ate Olivia's poo. Right out of her potty. He ate her poo!

Mom? Astro ate my deposit.

After Olivia made this admission I ran to the bathroom to inspect the poo-catcher and when I walked by Astro, the beast had the audacity to pick up his head and lick his lips. No Shame! Like eating poo is the most natural thing in the world. Natural as in it came out of my daughter's ass natural.

I furiously scrubbed the poo-catcher and put it back in the potty. But what about the dog? He followed me around for an hour afterwards. Smacking those lips that touched - nay, ate! - my daughter's poo! Finally, my husband put him out on the deck so we didn't have to hear that telltale smacking. Are there enough mint dental rings in the world to wash the poo from his mouth? Are there? No. There are not.

What The Dog Ate

My son's dinner.
(Mac -n- Cheese and a turkey burger.)

What the Dog Ate

One Dora Band-aid (used).

What the Dog Ate

The head of my daughter's toothbrush.
(identified first when it came back out the way it came in)

By the way. Have you seen this dog?

Cheese It

I hate it when the dog eats the cheese. You can blame the dog, but it's really your own damn fault for leaving it "within range." Dogs will be dogs. Yesterday, this pup consumed an entire 4 x 3 block of Mammoth Cheddar that was at optimal temperature. I had one slice. I cherish that brief moment. All too fleeting.