O Ye Critics, Will Nothing Melt Ye?

AN ART-HISTORY
PROFESSOR EXPLAINS
TO HIS 4-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER WHY THE FAIR
MARKET VALUE OF HER
PICTURE IS ACTUALLY
FAR LESS THAN THAT OF
A THOUSAND WORDS.

BY ETHAN RYAN

- - - -

You chose to work with a blue Crayola crayon, and I respect that. You've been using a lot of blues lately, and I think you're on to something. It's a good idea to work out some themes and learn some techniques by limiting your palette. Nevertheless, your picture feels incomplete to me. Formwise, it's a staticky blue cloud hovering in space. There's nothing dynamic about it. You didn't even push down on the crayon very hard, so there isn't really any depth of color. There isn't a single interesting line, and the negative space, though overwhelming, seems to have been completely ignored. This image evokes nothing in me. I can't even call it ugly. It's just so-so. Honestly, I'm amazed I've even been able to say this much about it.

Get the rest here at McSweeny's.