World Penguin Day

Today is World Penguin Day - the day that marks the annual northward migration of los pingüinos.

There's still time to celebrate with Tuxedo pie.

It's An Old Joke and One of My Favorites

We were having dinner tonight and Carter was looking at his Solar system placemat and explaining to me about all of the inconsistencies and downright errors.

Carter: Like Pluto's orbit intersects Neptune's!

At this point, Olivia leans over and examines the placemat.

She points to the Earth and completely deadpan says: You can see our house.

Even Marshall busted up over that one.

Funnier still: Carter actually looked for the house before he realized she was joking.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside-down. - Mitch Hedberg

I'm Not Gonna Talk About...

Ray O' Light

The inspiration for this shot came from the Superhero Photo challenge: shooting into the sun. My little guy had a good time helping me out with this one.

First Snow/First Sled Ride

We made it to Flagstaff without mortgaging the boy, but just barely. It was touch and go what with the one hour it took to get out of Phoenix/Scottsdale on the 101 loop. But once we made it Flagstaff and ate at the Route 66 Dog Haus (a drive-through hot dog place shaped like a - you guessed it) there was a little less 'tudiness all around - except for Olivia who refused to order anything at this fine establishment.

We found ourselves an over-priced tourist sled and headed to Crowley Pit. Now I'll grant you - Crowley Pit - while not the most inspiring name for a snow area is fairly self-descriptive. This marks the first time any of our kids had seen snow. They took to it like baby seals or something like that.


Everyone who could voluntarily hold themselves in an upright position had a turn on the sled. The beauty part is that it started to snow while we were there, so the kids saw falling snow - just in case they were thinking it came up from the ground.

Skippy's Secret Desire

You will want one of these, oh yes you will. Unless your dog goes to work with you - even then think of the fun.

Perspective is All

Carter: So how much do you weigh?
Me: I'm not saying.
Carter: But this is my homework. We have to weigh something and we only have a people scale.
Me: Marshall weighs 20 pounds.
Carter: How much does Olivia weigh?
Me: About thirty pounds.
Carter: How much does Dad weigh?
Me: You'll have to ask him.
Carter: How much do you weigh?
Me: 160 pounds.
Carter: How much?
Me: 160 pounds.
Carter: 160 pounds! You could lift all my friends on the see saw! I weigh 60 pounds. Do you realize you weigh 99 pounds more than me?

40-Some Things to Do Before My Next Birthday

Inspired by Andrea at Hula Seventy, I created this list for my birthday.

1. Finish my thesis.
2. Breathe.
   
3. Learn to meditate.
4. Take a Qi Gong class.
   
5. Teach the kids to lie around the house.
6. Teach the kids some Yoga.
7. Make a new friend.
   
8. Reconnect with an old friend.
   
9. Read out loud.
10. Read two Shakespeare plays I haven't read.
11. Read two Chekov plays I haven't read.
12. Read a new play every month.
13. Read two of the books on David Sedaris' Recommended Reading List.
    
14. Resume free-writing exercises.
    
15. Start a rewrite of one of my old plays.
16. Start my new screenplay.
17. Organize all my source material for playwriting projects.
18. Write down the master plan for my theater center.
    
19. Take a food writing class at Stanford.
20. Start learning a new language (I'm thinking Italian).
21. Take a contact improv class.
22. Sew some stuff for my kids.
23. Sew some stuff to sell on Etsy.
24. Get my bike tuned up and ready to ride.
25. Get a grill.
26. Invite the neighbors over.
    
27. Experiment with making whole-wheat and/or gluten-free pie crusts.
    
28. Make a fresh peach pie this summer.
29. Take the kids berry-picking.
30. Go to the farmer's market most Saturdays or Sundays.
31. Eat more vegetables.
32. Drink more water.
    
33. Get a massage or two or four or more.
34. Eat a meal at Zuni.
    
35. Plant pumpkins and sunflowers with my kids.
36. Plant bulbs in front of my kitchen window.
    
37. Buy a birthday cake for absolutely no reason. Anyone who wants can make a wish on it.
38. Continue with the clutter-taming.
    
39. Start a play reading salon.
40. Involve the kids in a guerrilla art project.
41. Do some of the Learning to Love You More assignments.
42. Go on a geocaching excursion in our area.
    
43. Take my kids to SFMOMA.
44. Take the kids to Big Sur and rent a cabin for a weekend.
45. Travel some place we've never been.
46. Attend the PICA TBA Festival.
    
47. Celebrate Winter Solstice by having some folks over for dinner.

The Jack Ad for Hillster

Umm, maybe before they included that quote from A Few Good Men, they should have read the rest of the line?

Jessup: I want to tell you something and listen up, 'cause I mean this. You're the luckiest man in the world. There is, believe me, nothing sexier on earth than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all I say, 'cause this is true: If you've never gotten a blow-job from a superior officer, then you are letting the best of life just pass you by.

Jo: Did you consult with the doctor that night?

Kaffee: Back off, Commander.

Jessup: You see, my problem is, of course, that I'm a Lt. Colonel. I'll have to keep taking cold showers till they elect some gal President.

Addendum
Here's the scene from the movie.

Midolescence

Midway on our life's journey
I found myself in the dark wood
The right road lost - The Inferno, Dante (trans. Robert Pinsky)

Last week, one of the women at my daughter's preschool brought up the idea of Midolescence, the new term for midlife crisis and, considering the hormonal changes, I think a more self-descriptive term. When she found out my age she grew concerned:

Preschool mom: Don't you just think about how your life is half over? Really. You've already lived half of your life. Doesn't that scare you?
Me: No. What scares me is thinking about my twenties. I'm lucky I survived my own stupidity.

Compounded Daily

Driving past Scottsdale on our way to Flagstaff I noticed an interesting new business and pointed it out to Roger.

Me: Child Mortage. That building says Child Mortage. Hmmm-
Roger: Hey, Carter. We have a new consequence for your bad behavior.
Me: Let the money just roll in.

Have It Your Way

Burger King. San Jose Airport.

I decided to order a quick lunch for my kids before we hopped on the plane for Phoenix. We queued up at the home of the you-know-what (but not for hamburgers my god they recalled 143 lbs of ground beef the day before are you crazy?!!). No. We went for the chicken nuggets and oh yes I know how they lived and died. It's The Omnivore's Dilemma all day every day. Carter managed to convince me to order the kid's meals which is not something we normally do.

Waitress: Do you want a boy toy or a girl toy?

Me: Excuse me?

Waitress: Boy toy or girl toy?

Me: I thought these were kid's meals.

Something you won't find on the menu at BK.

Brand New Key

Barack Obama skated here all the way from the beach just to see you.

Barack Obama has parsed your error.

Barack Obama relates to what you are saying.

Barack Obama warmed up your car for you.

Barack Obama made you a mix tape.

What will he do for you?

h/t Suburban Bliss

I Hate It When You Peer At Me So Intently

When I was a child I made an observation: People's faces distort in direct proportion to the amount of stress you are under. The more upset you are, the weirder, more disturbing people look. It's also a fact that when you're sobbing uncontrollably the only people who want to comfort you are the ones who look like they're extras from a David Lynch film. This thought returned on Tuesday night as I sat on a bench outside the restaurant holding Olivia while she screamed "I'm hungry! I want a highchair!" She had a meltdown when waitress gave her a booster seat instead.

Now I'm sure to Olivia her reasons for wanting a highchair are perfectly rational and most likely have to do with the fact that her little brother Marshall was given one and Olivia deep inside wants to be the baby too. But even though she's "four now and taller," she really isn't in a place where she can analyze her motives. "I'm HUNGRY! LET. ME. EAT! I want a highchair!"

Every person who came out of the restaurant looked the other way and moved quickly to their cars. Except for this old woman with craters for eyes who looked like she most likely lived in a gingerbread house. Oh yes. She wanted to help. She bent down and leaned in towards us until she was three inches from our faces, the hairspray from her tease-job wafting unappetizingly close to our noses. "What's your problem little Missy?" Her sunken eyes rolling in two different directions. I absolutely swear they did. Two different directions.

I'm sure our screams are being measured in space even now.

Weekend Obsessive

I had a hankering for brownies.
Carter doesn't like chocolate so he asked if I could make blondies instead.
Fair enough. I had seen a recipe that sounded good so I thought I'd try it.
It was a complete failure.
Too much like cake.
I like cake okay. But I wanted brownies. Or rather blondies.
So I made another batch.
Still too cake-like.
I ran out of eggs.
I bought more. I decided that I would get these to come out right no matter how many batches I had to make.
So.

I made another batch. Mixed them less. Put them in a bigger pan.

Not quite the taste-sensation I was hoping for.

Too dry.

I am sick of blondies.

Bring on the chocolate.

Cute and Healthful

Carter: Here Mom. Happy Valentine's Day.

(Hands me a heart-shaped box with Cutie written on it and three Hershey's Kisses inside.)

Me: Thank you, Carter. I love chocolate.

Carter: I hope it's dark chocolate. It's better for your cholesterol.

Happy Valentine's Day

1000 Journals Project

More here.

Neptune's Castle

We found this driftwood shack on the beach last year.

We did a bit of remodeling because we're remodeling-type folk.

We embellished it a little with treasures we found.

We sang songs and beat drums on it.

We waited for the waves to come and carry it away.

I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.

- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love